wants n needs

I want to know wat it feels like, I guess you can say I've loved once or twice but nothing serious, I wasn't in love, I know that for a fact, so I mean I wanna know what it feels like, I want to be able to say I was in love and when I realized it, it was the happiest day, im tired of the hypothetical situations im jus ready to experience it, I won't lie all at the same time It scares me, im afraid of falling to deep so maybe that's why I can't fall in love with another, I tend to push people away and go duck for some sort of cover, most likely ignore your presence and hope you just forget me, im no good for you, ill pretend to love you because us Aries get caught up in the rapture and as soon as you make the slightest mistake we take it as a disaster, so then I leave you, im not to be trusted in the love department, for sometime I thought it was my own mind over analyzing uncomplicated situations turning them into massacres as if someone is trying to kill me, but I can't be to hard on myself, you see im just a ball of contradictions regardless of what some call my shortcomings I guarantee if the right man approached me id some how know it and wouldnt run from it, obviously that man hasn't came to me, I don't even look for him cause for now I figure he doesn't exist, no matter what the men who thought they knew me said, im not afraid of commitment...I just wasn't in love with any of them & the day I realize I am...I won't run from it, ill cherish it and recognize it for what it is...something pure and honest...just being in love