mind tricks

behind the face I can clearly see what ur tryna do, I knew ur plan
before u had mentally even approached the idea, I knew ur motive but I
allowed it anyway, maybe it was the way you looked at me...that same
glare you've giving every other girl but for some reason it made me feel
special, and at those crucial moments of my mind confusing its gut
feeling with butterflies I could of sworn I fell in love that night, and
you of course played ur game extra tight...no nervousness no uncertainty
see I know you've done this plenty of times before me but I allowed the
game to be played but instead of me being the opponent I was his pawn
and he was playing against his self...I was his deck of cards as he
tried to beat his own score at soletier but I continuously let him play
me, denying my dignity and becoming naive to this mans scent on top of
me...by now im fully aware that's he's pulling me, sucking me digging me
into an unseen deep, an all time low...he had sucked the life out of me.
everything I had once believed was gone, all memories of a time when I
felt as though I was a queen was erased the knowledge I had gained on my
journeys of life had vanished, and now I sit here...almost in a panic,
my sanity had been stolen from me, the fogginess in my mind wouldn't
allow me to breath and all the while gasping for atleast some sort of
breath here you are, standing over me, looking down as if I were the one
wrong & here is where I put my head down, && realize those were not
butterflies they were alarms in my body going off so I couldn't possibly
be mad at him...I did this to myself, I allowed him to molest my complex
being and now I am nothing...I feel bleak

dead beat

as plausible as it may be, you don't strike me as the type to bicker at
me, a man with some confidence...won't jus allow me to walk all over him
but when I say im not interested don't take it that way,use that
backbone and jus learn to walk away, you have these issues that I jus
cant get over, so don't bother im blessed regardless men only cause me
stress, im on some other shit so I have no time for romance, don't
listen to ur friends you'll get ur feelings hurt over them im tryna put
this nicely but I guess you just won't take the hint, im so past this
"he got swag" shit...talk about sumthin being overrated, I doubt you'll
even understand my character, you seem to think since I didn't fall and
become weak than I must be buggin, I understand you think ur a womans
dream but baby you got another thing coming, your just as typical as any
other nigga with cum...trying to cum inside these chicks then proclaim
"ur not the daddy" yeah ur exterior is pleasing but I know ur type o so
well sweety..ur jus someone baby daddy a lazy one at that, how do u find
time to wine and dine while ur babies home crying the momma feeling like
she dying & then hear u are actin like u balling, you aint shit I
haven't seen before yet again I protest ur just like the rest
undignified and overly cocky I didn't mean to hurt ya feelings but damn
u provoked me

dear mommy

I could never hate, yeah it may seem as tho I can't stand you, I must
admit I do dislike the things you do, but you gotta understand the pain
I feel when you run off at the mouth, I sometimes doubt it'll ever get
better, and its not being negative but you know me, im just being
realistic, I swear sometimes I can't even look past some of the shit
you've said to me, Lord knows its him when I say "your forgivin", im
not sure when we took the turn for the worst, probably around the time
when the doctor said "its getting worse", what I don't understand is why
you act like you hate me so much, I swear if I could change it, id give
it to someone else, life for us shouldn't be such of a struggle, your
suppose to be my guidance whenever I feel troubled, how could you ever
tell me you wish you never had me, people try and tell me "jasmine its
just the medication talking" , but im like yo that's my mothers lips
moving, I pray that one day pride will move out the way, I don't really
pray about the lupus cause I know it won't go away, but just know
despite what you think I love you dearly, I just show my emotions
differently, no matter how good life is to me, I know this isn't the
life for me and my mommy

stop it

lemme break it down for you
hip hop runs thru my veins like blood do
don't you realize donuts is more than jus a food
god let that man rest in peace...it hurt when I heard he didn't make it
thru, I can't stand these perpatraers that claim they know hip hop the
way I do..does murs mean anything to you...damn fantastic vol. II is the
truth...dilla will go down in history for that too, unless you know more
about little brother than I do...you need to just stop with that "I
think im deep" persona, stop listenin to flo rida...nas is the truth.
I'm so tired of these j dilla saved my life t shirt I jus don't know
what to do...I bet chu haven't even listened to half the shit he
produced...be real to the world and ur self sweetheart...I kno damn well
u don't know shit about hiphop

[lol wrote this a whilleee ago, i was talkin shit. something i seen had pissed me off haha]

the end

I'm not sure what I'm saying is coming out clear to you

I'm just no good for you

And id rather let u go then let u hold on anymore

Cuz the love that was there no longer lingers on my tounge

Its just over done

And your so afraid to be alone u can't see when somethins grown old

And let me stop here and apologize

I already know I haven't been right

But how many times did I say this durin fights

I tried to explain my peace

But u couldn't bare to see me leave

And now here we are more messed up than ever

I doubt my sorries will even make it better

I can promise tho, there's a lady that can make u happier

And I don't doubt my abilities to be a great woman

But the zodiac even said we were ruined

Gotta take the L when the L is given

Gotta stop pretendin

We're finished

u u u

A little irratic

Sometimes an adict

I'm just feelin the passion

Perhaps its the fashion or the way that u glacin

-at me

I'm nothin like these other girls

-you see

But I'm tryna be yo next girl

-so we

Can take over this little world

-an be...the happiest around this place

Just take a look at my face

My expressions manifestion - its nothin but joy baby

And you...your so coy baby

And I just hope I'm your steez baby

And I ain't the type to do some extra shit to please

-but I just hope you please - feel me

Although I understand there's competition

I understand that the ladies love what chu givin

But I'm smittin

I'm willin..to put up with these other women

I'm illin

Cuz in time you will see...these other chicks ain't got shit on me

And not to sound cocky

But I know I'm what chu need

I won't trip off the petty shit

Won't go n poke no holes in tha wrapper

And I hope u comprehend what I'm after

Cuz I won't stop until you finally...

Feel me?!

confessions

And real is I'm probably not the best person to fall in love with...that's if u ask my ex's
I suppose none of them held weight within my spirts
But truthfully I've always had late night dreams of finally meetin - "the one"
And I'm no pshyic so I can't quite call it but your lookin like my future
And my heart automatically places you above any otha nigga
U different
...and it ain't even dealin with ur appearence but its the way u lick ur lips - the way u touch my hips.
Its the way u say my name....I pray this shit ain't in vain
You are the epitome of every man I eva meet
And I hope u understand that this don't come easy to me
Emotions generally ain't a feeling that I feel when I'm feelin...fienin
Im perhaps addicted to your aggreasion
Love the way u sexin
And excuse me if I'm confusin your love with affection
But its just all so good my mind ain't comprehendin
But I do kno one things for sure, I'm thorough when I'm lovin so this means I'm willin to ride for you no matter wat
Neva forget where home is, neva forget this love and I promise to prove all these other niggas I had wrong

im tweeting my life away

lol @b0niita =]

silly you? silly me?!

He's insane if he thinks ive changed

im the same as the rest

-if not worse

and i've perfected this craft of puttin myself first

i got him so wrapped up in this he thinks im worth every one of his pennies

hes silly

poor thing thought he got the "real thing"

but naw

instead he just got ME

as cold as she wanna be

the wrongs of her father move her and the faults of her mother rule her

i was fucked since birth

and silly you, you think your helpin me through??

good could never come from this

i attempt to tell you i'm selifsh - but you aint hearin it

you aint feelin it

but maybe i'm the silly one

cuz i only feel wrong 25% of the time

and the well the other 75??

im out doin Lord knows what with Gods knows who

your such a fool...

maybe i'll pray for you

hell...

maybe i'll pray for me too

emotions

some how i can't explain my issue

aint never quite met a girl that thinks the way i do

you've some how cut through to me too

not sure how you did it, but i just had to let u hear this

i'm not the type to fall in love with another being

for sometime i told myself i was incapable of the feeling

for sometime i thought id end up alone in this city

-still my selfish self

not worrying about any

but you got me re-thinkin my whole game plan for life

perhaps i'll be a wife...i guess that does sound kinda nice

but just don't take my words in vain

...and don't think i'm being vain when i say you'll fall in love

i just know what i'm made of

and i know imma do everything in my being to ensure you never leave me

to ensure your always happy

make sure the skies are always sunny when your with me

i'm being thorough as i can possibly be

understand this don't come easy to me

but understand you mean the world to me

and i'm willin to put my heart on the line for it

-you probably thinkin lyin huh?

but i'll show u love...i'll show u

[jan.26.10]

wants n needs

I want to know wat it feels like, I guess you can say I've loved once or twice but nothing serious, I wasn't in love, I know that for a fact, so I mean I wanna know what it feels like, I want to be able to say I was in love and when I realized it, it was the happiest day, im tired of the hypothetical situations im jus ready to experience it, I won't lie all at the same time It scares me, im afraid of falling to deep so maybe that's why I can't fall in love with another, I tend to push people away and go duck for some sort of cover, most likely ignore your presence and hope you just forget me, im no good for you, ill pretend to love you because us Aries get caught up in the rapture and as soon as you make the slightest mistake we take it as a disaster, so then I leave you, im not to be trusted in the love department, for sometime I thought it was my own mind over analyzing uncomplicated situations turning them into massacres as if someone is trying to kill me, but I can't be to hard on myself, you see im just a ball of contradictions regardless of what some call my shortcomings I guarantee if the right man approached me id some how know it and wouldnt run from it, obviously that man hasn't came to me, I don't even look for him cause for now I figure he doesn't exist, no matter what the men who thought they knew me said, im not afraid of commitment...I just wasn't in love with any of them & the day I realize I am...I won't run from it, ill cherish it and recognize it for what it is...something pure and honest...just being in love