that mutha fuckin real shit for that asss...U were born on a rotten day! deal wit it =p

Quick intro before i get into it...some of you need reality checks! MAJORLY! I on the other hand [and others like Fuego] already peep'd game. We are totally content,aware and currently working on what some may call flaws. While on the other hand, most you out there stay stagnant and don't see the need for change. Not necessarily change for others but yourself and the effects you have on man-kind. We all affect each other in some form whether small or big, and when you go thru life with a(n) major chip on your shoulder or overly consumed of yourself and your own needs you will consistently lack. you will never be full filled in anything you do. so, without further a due zodiac =] you don't have to believe the proof is in the pudding...



ARIES[I am an Aries if ya didn't know...i also TOTALLY agree. this IS me sad to say lol


element: Fire. aries is the dragon that lays waste to countryside, then falls asleep, satisfied that it's burned a few small towns.
Quality:Cardinal. the only thing an aries is qualified to lead is a chorus of kindergartners singing the barney song.
Symbol:The ram. battering ram. ram it to you. butt-headed.
Ruler:Mars, the god of war and barroom brawls.
Fav Pastime: shooting first and asking questions later.
Fav Book:the self-published journal of personal wisdom

model: Yosemite SAM
dream job:sex therapist
key phrase: "Are you talking to me?"
body part: the head, chronically aching from running into all those brick walls


A few things...

Just like Yosemite sam, the typical ram barrels through life daring anyone to cross his or her path.If you want to be treated like a man marry any other sign in the universe. the truth is , this bossy, egotistical motormouth is as self-absorbed as a 2 year old and has a me complex the size of texas. aries are reactive NOT reasonable.The female ram can outgun, outrun, out shoot, out talk, and outsmart everyone around her.


Positive:
Mars gives them courage, determination, energy, passion and ambition. He is passionate, idealistic and sentimental. She is independent, fun loving and honest. Capable of soaring any height. A true warrior spirit and is relentless when fighting for a cause, or a person in whom she believes. Supremely confident, rugged individualist who lives life on her own terms.

best matches:
Leo and Sagittarius


Taurus ['whats mine is mine, whats urs is mine']
Element: Earth. Taurus earth is like a swamp filled with ancient trees covered in moss. maneuvering through this bog feels like a dream in which you try to walk but get no where.
Quality: fixed. taurus is the original immovable object.
Symbol: the bull. bullish. bullheaded. raging bull. full of bull
Ruler: Venus, the goddess of lust, jealousy and hedonism.
Fav Pastime: passing judgments over dinner.
Fav Book: the gluttonous gourmet
Role model: uncle scrooge
dream job: hanging judge
key phrase: "Why do you make me hit you?"

body part: the throat, usually sore from bellowing


A few things...
He is jealous, possessive, and obsessive. bulls are emotional not intellectual. you may be irresistible, and he may love you madly, but he will never understand why you need any other company but his. Food is an emotional pleasure for the female taurus. she will eat when she is happy, depressed, angry or just plain hungry which is most of the time.


Positive:
hmmm can't find any. lol. fyi...after my first one i will not be "hookin up" with any more Taurus'. far too clingy.

best matches:
Virgo and Capricorn


Gemini [take heart. take every one]

Element: air. Gemini air is like a pesky breeze on a day at the beach. it makes you squint, so you don't get a clear picture of whats happening around you.
Quality: mutable. Gemini is the human version of the revolving door.
symbol: the twins. double-trouble. double-talk. double-life. double-cross.
ruler: mercury, the god of mischief and deceit.
fav pastime: jumping to the wrong conclusion.
fav book: how to get anyone to agree to anything.
role model: the Tasmanian devil.
dream job: gossip columnist.
key phrase: "because i want to"
body part: fingers, usually broke from wagging them in other peoples faces.


A few things:
being with a Gemini is like being a permanent guest at the mad hatters tea party. Fast talking con artist, giving you all kinds of crap. Being born without the objective-assessment gene had voided them the ability to see any other opinion but theirs as valid. they have a hundred acquaintances but few friends. probably because they spend half of their time talking behind their backs and the other half making eyes at their friends lovers.

Positive:
simply irresistible. fun loving and independent. [I'm good on the gem's too tho]

best matches:
Aquarius and Libra


Cancer [step into my parlor]
Element: water, cancer water slogs through shifting quicksand. you think you are strolling the sunniest of beaches. soon, you are clawing your way out of a life-sucking black hole.
Quality: cardinal. cancer's leadership qualities are confined to head emotional manipulator. Symbol:the crab. crabby. furtive, reclusive. brittle.
Ruler: the moon. shadowy character. behind-the-scene maneuvers, loony bird. lunatic.
Fav Pastime:whining.
Fav book: the martyr's handbook
role model:eeyore.
dream job:professional victim.
key phrase:"after all ive done for you"
body part:breast, permantly chaffed from the hair shirt.

A few things:
truth is crabs are oblique, manipulating, and should be committed by their families and friends. all water signs are sensitive but cancer wallows in emotional turmoil. the male crab's idea of devotion is bonding at the hip. a female crab may fool you into thinking she wants you to take charge, but in reality she will control you through a series of well-executed near-death experiences.[crazy bitches...lol]
Positives:
male crab is genuine, and has an adorable smile. female crab has a delightful whimsical sense of humor and a generous compassionate heart. [tried one & yet again im GOOD. clingy like Taurus]

best matches:
Pisces and Scorpio

Leo [it's my way or the highway]
Element: fire. leo fire is the steady, white-hot flame of the sun./ from a distance, it warms. up close, you fry.
Quality:fixed. leo is fixed in it's high opinion of itself.
Symbol:the lion. lionize. lions share. king of the jungle.
Ruler:the sun. sunbathe.sunstroke.sunburn.
Fav Pastime: giving orders.
Fav book: intimidation made easy.
role model:foghorn leghorn [remember the big ass rooster in looney tunes]
dream job: boss of boses.
key phrase:"you had it coming"
body part:wrist, permanently sprined from shooting craps for lunch money.

A few things:
lions are attention-grabbing, overbearing egomaniacs whose childish, self-centered behavior i exceeded only by their obnoxious attempts to boss around everyone. everything about a male leo is exaggerated. the female leo is more hussy that highness, chick had just as many notches in her belt as her male counterpart does [kinda woman that writes her own number on the locker room wall]

Positives:
the leo male is warm hearted generous and dignified. the female leo is loyal steadfast and true. [lemme say..i LOVE leo men lol]

best matches:
Aries and Sagittarius


Virgo [everlasting know-it-alls need love, too]
element:earth. virgo earth is a solid parcel of common soil that provides everything you need in a predictable manner- as predictable as Bermuda grass. mow it, water it, now it, water it. quality:mutable. virgo swing from nitpicker, to crank to critic.
symbol:the virgin, in your dreams and in their minds.
ruler:mercury, the god of telling it like it is...whether or not you want to hear it.
fav pastime:worrying
fav book: 1001 steps to total organization.
role model: felix unger [on a show called the odd couple. he was a hypocondriac and neat freak]
dream job:closet organizer
key phrase:"it wont work that way."
body part:nervous system. you can always spot a virgo by their raw, bleeding fingernails. [nervous ass nail biters]

A few things:
an anal, subjective, self-absorbed fussbudget who is critical, sanctimonious and cheap. they are so busy trying to perfect everyone else that they have lost sight of their own flawed natures. Positives:
the male Virgo is faithful, thoughtful and cool headed during crisis. the female Virgo is kind caring and very real.

best matches:
Taurus and Capricorn

Libra [mirror mirror on the wall]
element: air. Libra air produces a constant droning in your ears. Libras idea of rations discussion is that they discuss and you listen rationally. eventually you feel like your head id trapped within a beehive.
quality: cardinal. Libra is boss backbiter, belittler and bimbo.
symbol: the scales. off balance. permanently tipped in Libras favor. swings both ways.
ruler: venus, goddess of plastic surgeons and mirrored ceilings.
fav pastime: smirking
fav book: how to marry yourself
role model: barbie/ken
dream job: devils advocate
key phrase: "on the other hand..."
body part: kidneys, full of gravel from the teeth they grind at night to compensate for all that phony smiling during the day.

A few things:
beneath that cloying smile lives a self-indulgent, indecisive gold digger who had the personality of a leaf. the male Libra is fickle, inconsistent, and constantly on the prowl. hes shallow, superficial...prefers beauty to substance. the female Libra craves attention is usually promiscuous and won't care whether u are an in-law, married, or on parole...as long as your cute and know how to dance.

Positives:
the male Libra is charismatic, and oozes charms. his sense of style is impeccable and his lively, friendly personality puts him at the of everyone's list. the female Libra is the sweetheart of the zodiac, she's thoughtful, romantic and fair minded. her main objective is harmony and a meaningful relationship.

best matches:
Aquarius and Gemini

Scorpio [let the games begin]
element: water. Scorpio water is bottomless, roiling paradox. fall in without protective armor and you'll come out a skeleton.
quality:fixed. scorpios never forget, forgive or let go.
symbol:scorpion. just as its crusty little namesake, the human version will destroy itself trying to get revenge.
ruler:Pluto and mars. suspicious hothead. compulsive-obsessive two-timer.
fav pastime:plotting their next move.
fav book:the klington guide to mercy
role model:the masked avenger
dream job:judge, jury, and lord high executioner.
key phrase:"i'll get you for that"
body part:sex organs. terminal case of the severn-year itch. scratches frequently

few things:
obsessed, stealthy, corporal control freaks who replenish their egos at everyone else expense. they are extreme, not rational. they view life as either black or white and rarely compromise. being born with the all-or-nothing gene has voided their ability to form lasting relationship with anyone who refuses to submit to their control.

positives:
a male Scorpio is idealistic passionate and loyal. there is nothing superficial about a female Scorpio, she is a woman of total confidence and grace.

best matches:
cancer or pisces

Sagittarius [more than you ever wanted to know about anything]
element: fire. Sagittarius fire is a bank of glowing embers. it's smoldering warmth appears comforting, but try to cozy up to it, and you'll soon be dodging a barrage of sparks.
quality:mutable. has a swinging-door attitude toward life- the bedroom door.
symbol:the archer. sag is the hunter of the zodiac. bargain hunter. sexual predator.
ruler:jupiter. larger than life. brutally frank. chronically gauche (laking social grace...awkward).
fav pastime: opening mouth before engaging brain.
fav book:the one-minute philospher.
role model:urkel.
dream job:sneator in charge of filibuster
key phrase:"did i do that?"
body part:lower back, chronically aching from being such a pain in the ass.

few things:
both sexes think they know everything and spend their time trying to educate the rest of us. they don't do subtle. they are passionate not stable. by chasing whatever attract them as the moment they often fall victim to their own penchant for vicarious thrills. a male sag respects authority as long as hes the authority figure.he has a nasty temper.

positives:
a male sag is honest, trusting and eternally optimistic. he won't restrict your freedom or expect you drop your nights out with friends in favor of staying home with him. a female sag ois independent and believes honesty is the best policy. shes not into self pity.

best matches:
aries and leo

Capricorn [a goat by any other name]
element:earth. Capricorn earth is a mountain landscape filled with teetering boulders, deep cervices, and jutting rocks that the goat nimbly maneuvers in a steady ascent. you, on the other hand will get caught in a murderous landslide if you aren't strong enough to keep up.
quality:cardinal. capricorn is headcheese.
symbol: the sea-goat--half goat, half fish. get your goat. old goat. wet blanket.
ruler:saturn., the god of hard knocks and cold, hard cash.
fav pastime:acting superior.
fav book:the ten secrets of world dominion.
role model: mr.freeze...remember enemy of batman =p
dream job:scrooges financial advisor.
key phrase: "one can never be too rich or too thin"
body part:knees, permantly chaffed from kneeling at the mattress bank.

few things:
a pompous domineering social climber. the fishtail half signifies their "wet" emotional nature.they often lose sight of life's intangible wealth in favor of its material goods. slow to anger because they consider themselves superior to the rest of humanity that they rarely lower them self to hold a two sided conversation.

positives:
He is strong,. deopendable, and a bit shy.whether rich or poor, he is an impeccable dresser. and most likely will own his own business. a female capricorn had a built-in sense ofstyle and social grace.

best matches:
taurus and virgo


Aquarius [mama was a spy, daddy was a psychopath]
element:air. Aquarius air is electrically charged and unpredictable. you know the strom is coming; you just aren't sure when or with what force.
quality:fixed. aqaurius is the human version of the tornado that carried dorothy to oz.
symbol:the water beaere. deluge. flood. pour proof.
ruler: Uranus, the god of abrupt change, and Saturn the god of repression and status quo.
fav pastime:getting in someones face.
fav book:channeling dead house pets for fun and profit.
role model:goldfinger.
dream job:head borg...remember star trek lol
key phrase:"resistence is futile"
body part:ankles, permanently twisted from spinning on their heels and marching out of the room.

few things:
a in-your-face eccentric who spouts assorted oddball ideologies to anyone he or she can corner.they are aloof not passionate. this is beacase they fear that introspection will reveal that they really don't have all the answers. they chase the future instead of living in the present. The male aguarius is an arbitrary, irritiable eccentric who lives inside hiw own head. A female aquarian is rebellious headstrong and contrary. she is also very unpredictable.

positives:
He is harmless and an innovative thinker who envinsions a wonderful future and usualy finds a way to make it real. Shes a free spirits who is eternally curious and always friendly. she will enchant you with her enigmatic charm. she is neither possesive nor jealous and believes that love begins with friendship.

best matches:
gemini and libra

Pisces [welcome, to the twillight zone]
element:water. Pisces water is unrestrained. a quiet Pisces looks inviting and harmless. wade out too far, and you'll be caught in an undertow of treacherous currents and swept away.
quality:mutable. fish never know whther they are coming or going.
symbol:the fishes. fishy. bottom feeders. piranha. sharks.
ruler:neptunes, the god of flimflam and desert mirages.
fav pastime: mixing over-the-counter medications to test their hallucinogenic affects.
fav book:the sedona guide to interplanetary communication
role model: mr. bill [u know, the play doe charater from sat. night live]
dream job: professional mourner.
key phrase:"i'm so confused".
body part:the feet. suffers from fallen archers from running away from life.

few things:
a reality-challenged dreamer who is gullible, disorganized, chronically distraught and totally helpless.they tolerate EVERYTHING because they can't figure out how to do anything about it. they are resistant not realistic. the fear of change ground them. the male pisces is an emotional black hole. he learned at a young age how to weasel his way out of work and charm his way into bed. hes a natural born liar and self-destructive. He's tedious, and had a compulsion to use the same cliches hes used since high school and will invariably run a subject straight into the ground in the shortest possible time. He is ALL bluff and no substance. constantly going into fantasy verse facing reality. the female Pisces is her own worst enemy.

positives:
the male...hmmm he is romantic but still at the same time, amazingly full of shit. not much good i can say. the female pisces tho has an aura of responsiveness that instantly puts you at ease.

best matches:
cancer and scorpio

[i went on a little more about the male pisces...cuz, well...hmm what a fucker lol]


Well that is it guys. Hope you found some good things about yourself in here. lol it all come from this grand book called "born on a rotten day". your all fuck ups! lmao...some MORE than others. i think the ones that are more so than the other are apparent. i rambled on a bit more about the ones i personally don't like lol. O Fuego feel free to add on =] AND HI DREW! [ur a retard] haha